SK: So whom did you fire?
SK: Well, to hear you tell it,
sir, some military genius came to you with this plan that was -- with
all due respect -- the most cockamamie stunt since Kennedyís
idiot CIA director John McCone tried to take out Fidel
Castro with an exploding cigar. And . . .
BO: Whoa, Steve. I
thought the cigar idea was pretty spiffy stuff, míself. I mean it
only cost the US taxpayer $2 for a pack of firecrackers and $20 for a
box of a dozen outlawed Cuban cigars, 9 of which Kennedy smoked, and 2
of which LBJ smoked. Win - win - win, dude. I mean, if it had
worked, of course. . .and it always worked for The Three Stooges.
SK: Thatís precisely my
point, Mr. President. The stooges in this story -- were they
As we have already noted, your cockamamie plan
cost the American taxpayer half a billion bucks and produced a total
of 6 trained Sunni to take on both ISIS and the entire Syrian
Arab Army while over 5000 CIA-trained soldiers and hundreds of
millions of dollars of US war gear have ended up in the hands of al-Nusra
and ISIS. So if what you are telling us is true Ė that the military
stooges talked you into this Ė then surely you fired the whole Joint
Chiefs of Stooges, including top stooge Joseph Dunford. I mean,
isnít there any accountability around here for taxpayersí money?
BO: Cockamamie? Now hold on,
Steve. Youíre pissiní on the US military here, boy. Youíre just not
seeing the genius of the deeper plan. I mean, how else could we supply ISIS and
Nusra with the stuff they need to take out Bashar al-Assad
without being accused of supporting terrorists? That $500 million
would have been money well spent if those bloodthirsty Wahhabi
insurgents had been given enough time to beat the SAA. But then Putin
had to stick his nose in and mess it all up. Just like our
over-turning Yanukovyichís elected government in Ukraine Ė
Putin steps in and fucks it all up just when we thought it was a done
deal. If Putin now wipes out ISIS, and al-Nusra, and all the other
blood-thirsty Wahhabi running around Syria, who will be left to take
out Assad? Do you see why we're so upset about Putin stepping in
SK: So, let me see if Iíve
got this straight, Mr. President: Even though ISIS has decapitated
Sotloff, and Peter
Kassig, and raped, tortured, and killed American
Kayla Mueller, and even though ISIS, al-Nusra, and the
other violent Sunni groups have executed over 10,000 people, your real
Machiavellian plan was to provide weapons and trained men to the decapitating
terrorist groups while appearing to bolster the moderates? You people
knew all the while that these American-trained soldiers and hundreds
of millions of American dollars worth of offensive weaponry would fall
into the hands of al-Nusra and ISIS, and al-Nusra and ISIS would use
that gear to take down Assad. Was that the plan? You would rather ISIS be in control of
Syria than Assad? Are you freaking crazy?
BO: No, no, no, Steve, calm
down. Thatís just the stress talkiní, man. You have to connect all
of the dots, not just the obvious ones. The plan was that if we could
keep this ISIS thing going long enough, ISIS/al-Nusra and the SAA would
reciprocally and collectively bleed each other to death and then we, with our partner
in the Middle East, Israel, would waltz in and clean it all up
and turn the whole wasted country into another occupation zone like the West Bank.
That would virtually guarantee us Lebanon, and we would then be
in a perfect position to take out Hezbollah and Iran.
We just wanted to fuel the fire long enough to
let Assad and the insurgents tear each other
SK: But what about hundreds of
thousands of dead Syrians and millions of refugees?
BO: Thatís the beauty of the
plan, Steve. I mean, when we and the Israelis take over the place, the
fewer Syrians that are left, the better. Itís the same principle as the Jewish terrorists killing and running off as many Palestinians as
possible back in the 1940's when they took over Palestine. The Joint
Chiefs and I refer to it affectionately as "collateral
genocide." Netanyahu calls it "self-defense."
SK: But arenít there some
sort of rules or international laws against genocide, and against this sort of
a surreptitious attack on a sovereign government, and against
contributing to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people?
BO: Rules? Me??